NBA Finals are lame

I can’t stand the NBA and especially not its playoffs. It drags on forever and I don’t understand why anybody gives a crap. I know there’s a lot more to it than this, but do you know what I see when I watch a basketball game? Dribble down the court, pass it around, shoot it, dribble it back down to the other end of the court, pass it around, shoot it, dribble it back down to the other end, pass it around, shoot it… It is the lamest sport there is. I would rather watch a scoreless soccer game than an NBA game. At least someone would be passionate about the soccer game. I don’t mind college basketball so much, not because the game is any different but because the atmosphere is different and school pride is on the line. The NCAA tournament is really the only time I pay attention to any basketball because there’s so much drama, so much passion, so much school spirit.

And look at the name of the NBA’s championship: the NBA Finals. Every single other sport has an actual name for its championship. The World Series. The Stanley Cup. The Super Bowl. But basketball is so retarded that the best name they could come up with was Finals.

Have you ever heard any statistics about the number of fouls called on home teams vs. away teams in a basketball game? In college and professional basketball, home teams average a lot more free throws per game than visiting teams. I have heard more conspiracy theories about NBA basketball than every other sport combined in my entire life, at any and all levels. This isn’t because there is necessarily a conspiracy to favor certain teams or certain superstars; it’s because the sport sucks and its “fans” can’t hold on to anything else interesting about it, so they are left to invent and ponder idiotic conspiracy theories that might be tainting a sport no one in their right mind cares about.

Basketball is far too high-scoring. No sport that could end in a 120-110 score could possibly be worth watching. Like monetary inflation, the more points there are, the less the points matter. I don’t particularly prefer watching extremely low-scoring games like soccer, but, again, anything is better than basketball. A sport that has a stronger defensive component is worth more to me. A basketball fan might say, “Of course defense is incredibly important in basketball; as in any sport, offense sells tickets but defense wins championships.” Oh, yeah? Then why are there regularly over 200 points scored in NBA games? Your position is disproved by simply looking at the scores. The point is that too much scoring is an objectively bad thing, and basketball has too much scoring. A game with a low but tolerable score like baseball or hockey is much more interesting.

I think these and other problems with basketball aren’t NBA-specific&#8212they don’t (necessarily) originate in the commissioner’s office&#8212but stem from the fact that basketball is an inherently inferior sport.

When you just think about the nature of basketball compared to most other sports, it’s obvious. Basketball sucks. Admit it. The NBA is the worst North American sport there is, nobody should care about the outcome of its championship, and in fact it’s quite offensive to me that I even care enough about its suckiness to write an entire post about it.

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