Narrative songs: Sir Mix-a-Lot – Swap Meet Louie

This is so funny and corny that it’s cool. This is a great old-school rap song from Sir Mix-a-Lot’s album Mack Daddy, which contained “Baby Got Back.” I don’t know of any other albums he ever recorded, but it doesn’t matter because that was the only noteworthy one. My little brother had (probably still has) that CD and I borrowed it once when I was younger. I found “Swap Meet Louie” to be a fun and very early-90’s type of rap song, so I kind of liked it and remembered it; years later when I had my own computer, ripped it to my hard drive and I’ve had the mp3 file of it ever since. And how could you not like a rap song that included the immortal line, “I’m sockin’ more fools than Patrick Swayze”?

Urban Dictionary tells me a swap meet is a place where people come to buy, sell, and/or trade various goods. You can find all kinds of goods at these types of places including electronics, clothes, furniture and so on. Similar to a flea market.

Here is the Music Player. You need to installl flash player to show this cool thing!

*SPOKEN*

“Hey, homeys!”
“Who me?”
“Yeah, that’s right. You the fly hustler.”
“Ah, y’all still sellin’ that fake Louie, huh?”
“Hey! Don’t be tryin’ to highside up in here. You don’t even got the dope.”
“Oh, baby, I don’t need to highside, just give me some khakis and I’m straight.”
“Tryin’ dis me, old raggy, rooty-poot, runned-up gangsta? Who you think you are, M.C. Hammer? You can’t afford this Louis Vuitton!”
“What do you mean I can’t afford it? Why I wanna try to afford some old fake Louie? Baby, if that’s real Louie, I’m Tom Cruise.”
“Excuse me, I’d like to buy something.”
“You don’t know jack about this Louie. Take your sorry self over booth number 2 for the crack pipe.”
“Yeah, alright. I got your crack pipe right here, baby. Get off my tail…”

*RAP*

Woah, Louis Vuitton never made a sweatsuit
But you’re swearin’ up and down that you got the Louie boot
So you roll to the swap meet, girlfriend buttless
Rip phantom top on your ’76 Cutlass.
In the shop Louis V is what you seek
Black Knight Cortez slippin’ on your feet
You’re saggin’, drooped like a bawla
Your girl starts walkin’ towards the counter, so you call her.
“Oooh, this is on. Why don’t you get this for me?”
Every time you hit the swap meet, it’s “gimme, gimme, gimme.”
A little old lady in the back starts to creep, she’s deep
Through Kazellis she peeks
Her name is Mary Pong and she’s got it goin’ on
Swap meet weed, with the swap meet thongs
Leather miniskirt with the oriental draw
Little Mary Pong is raw.
She said, “I wanna make your girlfriend look good.”
Start buying all your Louie in the hood
And your sprung, on the two-for-one
Fake Louie at the swap meet, son.
Now, you know brown Louie is played
But you’re drunk and you just got paid
So you bought the gear, and little Mary said, “See ya.”
Little did you know it was “Made in Korea?!”

Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
That’s right, tell em homeys
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
Right here, baby
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
What you need?
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
You don’t know jack about this Louie

Victim number two: a rich young couple from Bellevue.
Welcome to the swap meet, another dumb couple ’bout to get beat.
Out came little Mary Pong, she had the big Louie V gear on.
The couple got sprung and the wife wants some
Louie V hat with the diamonds.
Shes thinkin’ she got that deal, two-for-one is a steal
The hat mighta had a LV on the back
But at the swap meet that ain’t jack.
But she bought it, cost about three hun’
Mary Pong said, “You’re the one.”
But when the girl’s Louie got wet she started complainin’
Baby girl’s Louie start fadin’.
Now she’s tryin’ to take it back
But the swap meet don’t play that
‘Cause when a customer tries to intimidate,
Mary Pong pulls a .38.
She ain’t about to get bum-rushed
She’s strapped and she’s ready to bust.
But at the swap meet you don’t pay tax
They’re movin’ out fake Louie by the batch.

Swap Meet Louie, clockin’ lotsa dollas
Swap Meet Louie, we all got gold
Swap Meet Louie, black silk jackets
Swap Meet Louie, rich flaunt clout
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie

Me and Attitude Adjuster step smooth in a swap meet
Buying much gear for the feet
When we spot Mary Pong with a blank face
Selling bootleg Mix-a-Lot tapes
The brother bought the tape and kept steppin’
And Mary Pong starts lookin’ for a weapon.
I got a plan and I’m about to use it
What’s up with the bootleg music?
Mary Pong is about to get jacked
She had a stack of big bootleg racks.
Me and Attitude creep like snakes
Grab the tapes and the Louie and break.
The whole swap meet went crazy,
I’m sockin’ more fools than Patrick Swayze
Toss a mess of fake Louie in the trunk
Hit the gas and the tach just sunk.
Like that, I’m outta there
Swift brothers like to roll in pairs
So we jet to the boulevard fast
Slingin’ swap meet Louie for cash.

Swap Meet Louie
That’s right, tell ’em, homeys
Swap Meet Louie
Right here, baby
Swap Meet Louie
What you need?
Swap Meet Louie
You don’t got money?
Swap Meet Louie
Start steppin’, Leroy

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