John Petrie’s LifeBlag » Music

Narrative songs: Paradise by the Dashboard Light

John — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 06:56:26 +0000

Clearly the all-time greatest story-telling song is “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by Meat Loaf, featuring Ellen Foley as the girl. It was from his 1977 album Bat Out of Hell and was written by Jim Steinman, who wrote most of the music and lyrics of his first two Bat Out of Hell albums. Steinman also wrote “Total Eclipse of the Heart” for Bonnie Tyler, but “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” eclipses everything else he ever did, combined.

In the music video, Karla DeVito plays the girl, but she is just lip-synching to Ellen Foley’s singing.

Boy:
Well, I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday:
a parking lot, a lake, and there was not another car in sight.
Well, I never had a girl looking any better than you did,
and all the kids at school, they were wishing they were me that night.

And now our bodies are oh, so close and tight.
It never felt so good, it never felt so right.
And we’re glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife,
glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife.
Come on! Hold on tight!
Well, come on! Hold on tight!

Boy and Girl:
Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep, dark night,
I can see paradise by the dashboard light.

Girl:
Ain’t no doubt about it, we were doubly blessed
’cause we were barely 17 and we were barely dressed.
Ain’t no doubt about it!
Babe, I got to go out and shout it!
Ain’t no doubt about it, we were doubly blessed

Boy:
’cause we were barely 17 and we were barely dressed.

Baby, don’t you hear my heart, you got it drowning out the radio.
I’ve been waiting so long for you to come along and have some fun.
Well, I gotta let you know: no, you’re never gonna regret it.
So open up your eyes, I got a big surprise, it’ll feel alright, well, I want to make your motor run.

Boy and Girl:
And now our bodies are oh, so close and tight.
It never felt so good, it never felt so right.

Boy:
And we’re glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife, glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife.
Come on! Hold on tight!
Well, come on! Hold on tight!

Boy and Girl:
Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep, dark night,
I can see paradise by the dashboard light!

Boy:
Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep, dark night,
paradise by the dashboard light.

Boy and Girl:
You got to do what you can
and let Mother Nature do the rest.
Ain’t no doubt about it, we were doubly blessed
’cause we were barely 17 and we were barely—

Boy:
We’re gonna go all the way tonight, we’re gonna go all the way tonight, tonight.
We’re gonna go all the way tonight, we’re gonna go all the way tonight, tonight.
We’re gonna go all the way tonight, we’re gonna go all the way tonight, tonight.
We’re gonna go all the way tonight, we’re gonna go all the way tonight, tonight.

Phil Rizutto:
Okay, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here. Two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the 9th. There’s the windup, and there it is, a line shot up the middle. Look at him go, this boy can really fly. He’s rounding first and really turning it on now. He’s not letting up at all, he’s gonna try for second. The ball is bobbled out in center, and here comes the throw, and what a throw! He’s gonna slide in head first, he’s out. No wait, safe! Safe at second base! This kid really makes things happen out there. The batter steps up to the plate. Here’s the pitch, and he’s going! And what a jump he’s got! He’s trying for third. Here’s the throw, it’s…in the dirt. Safe at third. Holy cow, stolen base! He’s taking a pretty big lead out there, almost daring them to try and pick him off. The pitcher glances over, winds up, and it’s bunted, bunted down the third base line, the suicide squeeze is on. Here he comes, squeeze play, it’s gonna be close. Here’s the throw, here’s the play at the plate. Holy cow, I think he’s gonna make it—

Girl:
Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further, do you love me?
Will you love me forever, do you need me?
Will you never leave me, will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away, will you make me your wife?
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever, do you need me?
Will you never leave me, will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away, will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now, before we go any further,
do you love me? Will you love me forever?

Boy:
Let me sleep on it.
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.
Let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning.
Well, let me sleep on it.
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.
Well, let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning.
Well, let me sleep on it.
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.
Well, let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning.

Girl:
I gotta know right now, do you love me?
Will you love me forever, do you need me?
Will you never leave me, will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away, will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now, before we go any further,
do you love me? Will you love me forever?

What’s it gonna be, boy? Come on. I can wait all night.
What’s it gonna be, boy? Yes or no?
What’s it gonna be, boy? Yes…or…no?!

Boy:
Let me sleep on it.
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.
Well, let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning.

Girl and Boy (simultaneously):
I gotta know right now, do you love me?
Let me sleep on it.
Will you love me forever, do you need me?
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.
Will you never leave me, will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning.
Will you take me away, will you make me your wife?
In the morning, the morning, I’ll tell you in the morning!

Girl:
I gotta know right now, before we go any further, do you love me?
Will you love me forever?

Boy:
Let me sleep on it!

Girl:
Will you love me forever?

Boy:
Let me sleep on it!

Girl:
Will you love me forever?

Boy:
I couldn’t take it any longer, lord, I was crazed!
And when the feeling came upon me like a tidal wave,
I started swearing to my god and on my mother’s grave
that I would love you till the end of time.
I swore I would love you till the end of time!

Boy and Girl:
So now I’m praying for the end of time
to hurry up and arrive
’cause if I gotta spend another minute with you, I don’t think that I can really survive.
I’ll never break my promise or forget my vow,

Boy:
but God only knows what I can do right now!

Boy and Girl:
I’m praying for the end of time,
it’s all that I can do.
Praying for the end of time
so I can end my time with you!

Boy:
Well, it was long ago and it was far away, and it was so much better than it is today…

Girl:
It never felt so good, it never felt so right, and we were glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife…

Jimmy Fallon’s brilliant and hilarious impersonation of Neil Young

John — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 19:12:19 +0000

At some point on this public, personal web page, I suppose I should admit I’m not as big of a Jimmy Fallon detractor as most people. I got annoyed at his giggling and breaking of character on SNL in every single skit he was in, but whether people realize it or not, his impersonations are all very good, and the Jimmy Fallon/Tina Fey Weekend Update was, too.

So I have liked most of the clips of Late Night With Jimmy Fallon that I’ve seen online, but nothing prepared me for the blinding white light of brilliance that emanates from this clip. I first saw it posted on my friend’s Facebook page and have watched it about 10 times since.

The Golden Age of Video by Ricardo Autobahn

John — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:22:43 +0000

John’s new favorite video of the month (possibly of the year, after some more contemplation) is this mashup of clips from dozens of TV shows and movies edited into a catchy electro-pop music video.

Sad songs: “Will You Love Me Tomorrow?”

John — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:00:16 +0000

The Shirelles were, along with the Supremes, probably one of the two best girl groups of all time. Their song “Will You Love Me Tomorrow?” is beautiful, sad, forlorn, and longing all at the same time. It seems to me that for the girl to even ask that question of her lover implies that she already suspects the answer is “no”, but she clings to the love they shared that night and hopes that he feels the same way.

The Shirelles’ version is by far the best and will always be considered the definitive version. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised to find the song was co-written by Carole King, who wrote or co-wrote “Locomotion”, “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman”, “One Fine Day”, “You’ve Got a Friend”, and “Jazzman”.

Tonight, you’re mine completely.
You give your love so sweetly.
Tonight the light
of love is in your eyes,
but will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure?
Or just a moment’s pleasure?
Can I believe
the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
you said that I’m the only one.
But will my heart be broken
when the night
meets the morning sun?

I’d like to know that your love
is a love I can be sure of.
So tell me now
and I won’t ask again:
Will you still love me tomorrow?

So tell me now
and I won’t ask again:
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?…

Narrative songs: “Taxi” by Harry Chapin

John — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:48:23 +0000

Harry Chapin was a great storyteller, as he wrote many narrative-type songs, the most famous of which is “Cat’s In the Cradle.” Maybe I’ll do that one next time.

It was raining hard in ‘Frisco.
I needed one more fare to make my night.
A lady up ahead waved to flag me down.
She got in at the light.

“Oh, where you going to, my lady blue?
It’s a shame you ruined your gown in the rain.”
She just looked out the window,
she said, “16 Parkside Lane.”

Something about her was familiar.
I could swear I’d seen her face before.
But she said, “I’m sure you’re mistaken,”
and she didn’t say anything more.

It took a while, but she looked in the mirror,
and she glanced at the license for my name.
A smile seemed to come to her slowly—
it was a sad smile, just the same.

And she said, “How are you, Harry?”
I said, “How are you, Sue?
Through the too many miles and the too little smiles
I still remember you.”

It was somewhere in a fairy tale,
I used to take her home in my car.
We learned about love in the back of a Dodge.
The lesson hadn’t gone too far.

You see, she was gonna be an actress
and I was gonna learn to fly.
She took off to find the footlights
and I took off to find the sky.

Oh, I’ve got something inside me
to drive a princess blind
There’s a wild man, wizard,
he’s hiding in me, illuminating my mind.

Oh, I’ve got something inside me,
but it’s not what my life’s about
’cause I’ve been letting my outside tide me
over ’till my time, runs out.

Baby’s so high that she’s skying.
Yes, she’s flying, afraid to fall.
I’ll tell you why baby’s crying:
’cause she’s dying—aren’t we all?

There was not much more for us to talk about.
Whatever we had once was gone.
So I turned my cab into the driveway
past the gate and the fine-trimmed lawns.

And she said we must get together,
but I knew it’d never be arranged.
And she handed me twenty dollars for a $2.50 fare.
She said, “Harry, keep the change.”

Well, another man might have been angry
and another man might have been hurt.
But another man never would have let her go.
I stashed the bill in my shirt.

And she walked away in silence.
It’s strange how you never know.
But we’d both gotten what we’d asked for
such a long, long time ago

You see, she was gonna be an actress
and I was gonna learn to fly.
She took off to find the footlights
and I took off for the sky.

And here, she’s acting happy
inside her handsome home
And me, I’m flying in my taxi,
taking tips and getting stoned

I go flying so high, when I’m stoned…

Narrative songs: Sir Mix-a-Lot – Swap Meet Louie

John — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:34:57 +0000

This is so funny and corny that it’s cool. This is a great old-school rap song from Sir Mix-a-Lot’s album Mack Daddy, which contained “Baby Got Back.” I don’t know of any other albums he ever recorded, but it doesn’t matter because that was the only noteworthy one. My little brother had (probably still has) that CD and I borrowed it once when I was younger. I found “Swap Meet Louie” to be a fun and very early-90’s type of rap song, so I kind of liked it and remembered it; years later when I had my own computer, ripped it to my hard drive and I’ve had the mp3 file of it ever since. And how could you not like a rap song that included the immortal line, “I’m sockin’ more fools than Patrick Swayze”?

Urban Dictionary tells me a swap meet is a place where people come to buy, sell, and/or trade various goods. You can find all kinds of goods at these types of places including electronics, clothes, furniture and so on. Similar to a flea market.

Here is the Music Player. You need to installl flash player to show this cool thing!

*SPOKEN*

“Hey, homeys!”
“Who me?”
“Yeah, that’s right. You the fly hustler.”
“Ah, y’all still sellin’ that fake Louie, huh?”
“Hey! Don’t be tryin’ to highside up in here. You don’t even got the dope.”
“Oh, baby, I don’t need to highside, just give me some khakis and I’m straight.”
“Tryin’ dis me, old raggy, rooty-poot, runned-up gangsta? Who you think you are, M.C. Hammer? You can’t afford this Louis Vuitton!”
“What do you mean I can’t afford it? Why I wanna try to afford some old fake Louie? Baby, if that’s real Louie, I’m Tom Cruise.”
“Excuse me, I’d like to buy something.”
“You don’t know jack about this Louie. Take your sorry self over booth number 2 for the crack pipe.”
“Yeah, alright. I got your crack pipe right here, baby. Get off my tail…”

*RAP*

Woah, Louis Vuitton never made a sweatsuit
But you’re swearin’ up and down that you got the Louie boot
So you roll to the swap meet, girlfriend buttless
Rip phantom top on your ’76 Cutlass.
In the shop Louis V is what you seek
Black Knight Cortez slippin’ on your feet
You’re saggin’, drooped like a bawla
Your girl starts walkin’ towards the counter, so you call her.
“Oooh, this is on. Why don’t you get this for me?”
Every time you hit the swap meet, it’s “gimme, gimme, gimme.”
A little old lady in the back starts to creep, she’s deep
Through Kazellis she peeks
Her name is Mary Pong and she’s got it goin’ on
Swap meet weed, with the swap meet thongs
Leather miniskirt with the oriental draw
Little Mary Pong is raw.
She said, “I wanna make your girlfriend look good.”
Start buying all your Louie in the hood
And your sprung, on the two-for-one
Fake Louie at the swap meet, son.
Now, you know brown Louie is played
But you’re drunk and you just got paid
So you bought the gear, and little Mary said, “See ya.”
Little did you know it was “Made in Korea?!”

Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
That’s right, tell em homeys
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
Right here, baby
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
What you need?
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
You don’t know jack about this Louie

Victim number two: a rich young couple from Bellevue.
Welcome to the swap meet, another dumb couple ’bout to get beat.
Out came little Mary Pong, she had the big Louie V gear on.
The couple got sprung and the wife wants some
Louie V hat with the diamonds.
Shes thinkin’ she got that deal, two-for-one is a steal
The hat mighta had a LV on the back
But at the swap meet that ain’t jack.
But she bought it, cost about three hun’
Mary Pong said, “You’re the one.”
But when the girl’s Louie got wet she started complainin’
Baby girl’s Louie start fadin’.
Now she’s tryin’ to take it back
But the swap meet don’t play that
‘Cause when a customer tries to intimidate,
Mary Pong pulls a .38.
She ain’t about to get bum-rushed
She’s strapped and she’s ready to bust.
But at the swap meet you don’t pay tax
They’re movin’ out fake Louie by the batch.

Swap Meet Louie, clockin’ lotsa dollas
Swap Meet Louie, we all got gold
Swap Meet Louie, black silk jackets
Swap Meet Louie, rich flaunt clout
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie
Swap Meet Louie, Swap Meet Louie

Me and Attitude Adjuster step smooth in a swap meet
Buying much gear for the feet
When we spot Mary Pong with a blank face
Selling bootleg Mix-a-Lot tapes
The brother bought the tape and kept steppin’
And Mary Pong starts lookin’ for a weapon.
I got a plan and I’m about to use it
What’s up with the bootleg music?
Mary Pong is about to get jacked
She had a stack of big bootleg racks.
Me and Attitude creep like snakes
Grab the tapes and the Louie and break.
The whole swap meet went crazy,
I’m sockin’ more fools than Patrick Swayze
Toss a mess of fake Louie in the trunk
Hit the gas and the tach just sunk.
Like that, I’m outta there
Swift brothers like to roll in pairs
So we jet to the boulevard fast
Slingin’ swap meet Louie for cash.

Swap Meet Louie
That’s right, tell ‘em, homeys
Swap Meet Louie
Right here, baby
Swap Meet Louie
What you need?
Swap Meet Louie
You don’t got money?
Swap Meet Louie
Start steppin’, Leroy

Fathom Events at movie theaters

John — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:43:36 +0000

Have you seen commercials for Fathom Events at the movie theater before the previews start? I think they are a pretty good idea for affordable entertainment that’s a substitute for seeing the real show live and in person, but I haven’t been to one yet. I only thought about going to two of them, which I saw advertisements for before Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. They were operas: The Magic Flute and The Barber of Seville. But then a day or two later I realized: I don’t particularly like the opera itself, though there are very good parts of many of them; what I like about going to the opera is the whole event, the experience of going out to the concert hall and dressing up and seeing everyone else dressed up and seeing the orchestra pit down in front of the audience and the singers right there on stage, singing with no electrical amplification whatsoever. I wouldn’t get any of that going to a movie theater, so it would have to be pretty cheap and I’d have to really be in the mood for it in order to enjoy it, so I’m almost certainly going to pass.

Another Fathom Event that I saw advertised several times was Glenn Beck’s comedy show. Now, first, I have a hard time imagining this being very funny. Second, what kind of political-news commentator thinks his career will be helped by doing stand-up comedy? I imagine it’s mostly news/politics comedy, but I still don’t think his image or his credentials as a news/politics TV and radio show host can be improved by doing a comedy show.

On a related note, here are the most famous parts of The Magic Flute and The Barber of Seville. You’ll probably recognize the evil queen’s aria from the former, and will recognize the overture to The Barber of Seville at exactly 2:10.

Coldplay – Violet Hill

John — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 23:00:18 +0000

I’m not gay, but I do apparently like this Coldplay song. I heard it on Ann Arbor’s local pop/rock station, the same one where I first heard “Alive and Kicking” (twice, now) and “Dreaming” by OMD. The middle of “Violet Hill” sounds quite atypical of the Coldplay that I’m familiar with, but the beginning and end sound much more like them to me. That must be why I kind of liked this one. Most of the song has an awesome sound.

Narrative songs: Escape (The Piña Colada Song)

John — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 02:13:56 +0000

I could promise you I’d start posting some narrative songs that aren’t totally corny, but we both know that would be just silly.

Little did you know (possibly), the “Piña Colada Song” is actually a song that tells a story with a three-verse plot.

I was tired of my lady,
we’d been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording
of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleepin’,
I read the paper in bed,
and in the personal columns,
there was this letter I read:

“If you like piña coladas
and getting caught in the rain.
If you’re not into yoga,
if you have half a brain.
If you like making love at midnight
in the dunes of the cape,
then I’m the love that you’ve looked for,
write to me and escape.”

I didn’t think about my lady.
I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady
had fallen into the same, old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper,
took out a personal ad.
And though I’m nobody’s poet,
I thought it wasn’t half bad:

“Yes I like piña coladas
and getting caught in the rain.
I’m not much into health food,
I am into champagne.
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon
and cut through all this red tape
at a bar called O’Malley’s,
where we’ll plan our escape.”

So I waited with high hopes,
and she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant,
I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady,
and she said, “Aw, it’s you.”
Then we laughed for a moment,
and I said, “I never knew…

“That you like piña coladas
and getting caught in the rain
and the feel of the ocean
and the taste of champagne.
If you’d like making love at midnight
in the dunes on the cape,
you’re the lady I’ve looked for,
come with me and escape.”

Late-’90s music is the worst thing ever

John — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:00:06 +0000

So says Steven Hyden of the Milwaukee Decider, and he’s totally right, isn’t he? I don’t just agree because I hate most music made after the ’80s; late-’90s music was incredibly obnoxious, soulless, talentless, and bland.

Now, it’s true that the inclusion of Third-Eye Blind’s worthless, sickening, offensive shit-fest “Semi-Charmed Life” and that inexplicable pile of dreck “If You Could Only See” by Tonic would make any period of music one of the worst in history. You could add those two songs to the mid-’60s glory of Dylan, Beatles, and Rolling Stones or to the timeless 1970s classic rock of the Eagles, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and Bruce Springsteen, and they would singlehandedly (doublehandedly?) bring those eras down a few notches.

Still, he has a point.

Is there anything worse than music from the late ’90s? Setting aside the unimpeachable classics of this time period—Radiohead’s OK Computer, Beck’s Odelay, DJ Shadow’s Endtroducing, Neutral Milk Hotel’s In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, Wilco’s Summerteeth, insert your favorite record here—late-’90s music is pretty much the most disreputable pap to ever be forced on the music-buying populace.

Every truly horrible subgenre from the past decade—rap-rock, Creed/Nickelback-style butt-rock, über-simple, overly materialistic hip-hop—has its roots in this period. The late ’90s also spawned the most annoying pop hits in the history of annoying pop hits. It’s hard to believe now, but people willingly subjected themselves to the likes of Los del Rio’s “Macarena,” OMC’s “How Bizarre,” Vengaboys’ “We Like To Party,” and Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”—fucking ad nauseum [sic], back then. No wonder consumers started stealing music online by the end of the decade. Music sounded worthless in the late ’90s, so it was inevitable that it would actually become worthless.

I’ve heard of exactly one of the albums he mentions in the first paragraph, Odelay. I guess “Loser” is from it, but I just know it by name, not because I’ve heard the whole album, or own any more Beck songs than “Loser,” or have even seen the CD cover in the store. I had no idea Wilco had been around since the 1990s.